Miss Mystic Falls Vs The Italian Stallion
by daniel-gillies-manpurse
Summary: Caroline finds Stefan and Damon arguing about who has the nicest butt, and of course hers is prettier. Niklaus walks in to the debate and his opinion is deemed unfit and so Elijah is forced into a rather awkward phone conversation.


She walks into the Salvatore boarding house and gasps at what she sees.

Damon, in nothing but a towel and Stefan, firmly implanted in front of the mirror.

"What are you doing?" She asks and her eyes are squinted with disgust because she's pretty sure she doesn't want the answer.

They glance in her direction and Stefan has the decency to look embarrassed, yet Damon turns and says,

"Is my butt better than his?"

She pauses. Is this some kind of joke?

"Blondie? I asked you a question," He smirks "My butt is better right?"

"Err, well, yeah, kind of."

"See, Stefan? Best butt in Mystic Falls." He turns proudly and she sees the towel start to slips so she flashes over and grabs it because if it slipped down that would be a whole new level of awkward that she doesn't want to travel down.

It's just at that _exact_ second that Klaus decides to walk in. His eyes fall upon Caroline's hands gripping Damon's towel and Damon in love with his butts perfection.

"Sorry, love, am I interrupting something?"

"NO!" She answers, far too high pitched and loud it's a shriek and he smirks at her obvious discomfort.

"Well, love, I'm sure Damon would disagree with you."

At the mention of his name Damon turns and his eyebrows crease,

"What are you doing in my house?"

"I just came to ask Stefan if he'd call Rebekah and address her on the state of their relationship because if I am subjected to another chick flick I assure you that heads will roll in your little town."

Stefan turns from his place and just walks out the door to find Rebekah.

"Klaus," Klaus turns at his name coming from Damon's lips, and Damon realises himself from Caroline's grip to stalk towards him.

"Would you consider yourself a good judge of beauty and perfection?" Klaus looks startled and Caroline stifles a laugh.

"Damon, mate, are you coming on to me?" Caroline's laughter bubbles through the room and she cackles like a crazy lady but she doesn't care and her thumbs scurry over the keyboard of her phone at an expert pace as she quickly updates her twitter whilst listening to their conversation.

"No. It's just. Me and Stefan were arguing over who had the best butt. Y'know, the perkiest, toned, and, well, he said Caroline," Caroline blushes at the statement and she glances at Klaus's annoyed face, "And I said me."

"WHAT?" She jumps from the floor and turns to the mirror.

"I train for hours every day. I go to the gym. I cheerlead. YOU," she points a finger at Damon's bare chest "Drink alcohol and bourbon like your dying of dehydration. Duh, obvious answer." She waves her hands around her skinny jeaned clad butt.

They turn to Klaus in answer and he looks puzzled as to why he's being subjected to this kind of torture.

Without even glancing at either, he says offhandedly "Caroline." And turns to walk from the house.

"Well, obviously you would say that. And you didn't even look. Do you honestly stare at it that long you've memorised it?" Damon sputters in reply to Caroline's triumphant expression.

"Call Elijah. He's the more... appropriate of you to ask." Caroline answers in confidence.

"You want me, the Big Bad Original Hybrid, to call my estranged brother, and ask him, which of you, two people he barely knows, has the best behind?"

"Yes." Caroline answers. Klaus rolls his eyes and says, "Well, I've forgotten my mobile."

He turns to exit again and Caroline spies the object of her affections in his back pocket and flashes over to him t steal it.

He looks startled when he feels her small hands graze his behind and see his mobile in her hands as she flips through his contacts and dials Elijah's number.

"Complication speaking."

"Hi. Elijah. This is Caroline Forbes, the blonde from the Ball. You know, the one Klaus was dancing with?"

There's a pause on the other side of the line and the voice asks, "Miss Forbes, have you done something to my brother?"

"God no, I would never... No he's here, say hello," She twists away from Klaus's hands as he tries to steal back his phone.

"We were just wondering if you could tell us who has the best behind. Me or Damon. Damon Salvatore."

There's another pause.

"Excuse me Miss Forbes, is this some kind of joke?"

"No, Elijah. Could you answer the question?"

"Well... Miss Forbes, I suppose... The Salvatore boy has a nice... Goodbye Miss Forbes." She throws the phone to the floor at Damon's feet and swirls out of the room in a cloud of anger and her feet stomp the floor in annoyance.

"Well," She turns to face Damon and grabs Klaus's hand "At least Klaus thinks' my Butt is prettier. And Stefan. I win."

And with that she storms out of the Salvatore boarding house with her hand entwined with Klaus's.


End file.
